If you don't live in or near the southeast, you may have no idea to what I am referring. Let me clarify with an excerpt from a marketing brochure I imagine exists:

"The Salt Life brand of stickers are the #1 way for you demonstrate that you don't live at the beach but you wish you did. Scientificishly created to capture the essence of Florida as envisioned by a group of Jacksonville Beach Florida scumbags (true!). Do you like red solo cups? Do you know several songs about getting drunk on pontoon boats? Do you have crabs? Then the Salt Life lifestyle is for you!"

If you live in some OTHER part of the country, you can sleep well at night knowing that while you may have to suffer through 13 months of snow, at least you don't have to see SALT LIFE stickers every day.

And I'm not kidding that you will see them every day.

I live in Atlanta, which as you know, is approximately 1000 miles from the nearest significant body of salt, yet I see at least one per day.


The reason this is at all interesting is not that they are offensive or otherwise notable. They use a font that is somewhere between Comic Sans and Tahoma and usually picture a fish jumping or a sand-dollar - which are lovely sea inhabitants.

It's that they are SO common that my ladyfriend and I decided to make a game of it. If you played "punch buggy" you'll understand. The rules are simple: first one to see the sticker punches the other one (lightly, cuz she is a lady). It's loads of fun.

We've been playing for about 6 months and I have learned a lot. I have learned that people near lakes obviously think lakes contain salt water. I have learned that vehicles with a Ron Jon's sticker are 87% likely to have an accompanying Salt Life sticker. I have learned that Chevy trucks, Jeep Libertys and Honda CRV's are most likely to have a Salt Life sticker. I have learned that NUMEROUS people have TWO Salt Life stickers ON THE SAME VEHICLE.

That last one is confounding.

We decided to limit the punching to just the pure "Salt Life" stickers, because if we gave in to all the variants, I would likely be arrested for living the...ahem...."Assault Life".


So...do you have them where you are?

Salt Life